I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
