is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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