The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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