This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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