my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
