i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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