saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
