Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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