this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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