You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
