i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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