Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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