Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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