Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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