I think my vagina is haunted
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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