I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
