there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
