Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
