Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
