I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
