No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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