it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
