i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
