My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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