So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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