Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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