Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
