I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
