I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
