I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
