I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
