She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
