Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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