i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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