did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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