My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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