Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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