I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
