Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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