I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
