Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
