Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
