I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
