Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
