I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
