This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The power of my boobs compel you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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