you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
