Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
