'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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