I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
