If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
