I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
please don't ironically join a cult
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