i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
