i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
