Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
