he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How does it feel to date your dad?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
