Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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