Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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