Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
