i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think a kid would responsible me up
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
