what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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