That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
