smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
