oh god the rape fog is back!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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