I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
