therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
