Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
