i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
