Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
